We were set to be married April 26th 2019. A month or so before I found out I was pregnant with our first baby. I was so excited. I was also so, SO sick with HG. I could barely make it through my first ultrasound. My husband was away for pre deployment training so I was with my younger sister. I was measuring 1-2 weeks behind and the heart rate was a little low but they filled my anti nausea medication and booked me for a viability scan in two weeks. That didn’t mean much to me at the time. My normal symptoms continued. The day before my bachelorette party (two weeks later) it was confirmed that the heart had stopped and the baby never grew past 6 weeks. That was the only ultrasound he had ever been to at that point. The drive home was silent. But our tears still fell. I decided to wait a few days for my D&C to try and enjoy my bachelorette weekend. The operation came and went, and I was having a horrible time recovering, physically and mentally. Went to the ER as I knew something was wrong. They said it was normal. Blood in your uterus is “normal” have a miscarriage. A week later, we had our wedding. I was so swollen/bloated that my dress barely fit. I was in so much pain I barely remember saying our vows. A day I should be savoring and soaking up went by too quickly. The next day we were supposed to start our honeymoon but we took another trip to the ER instead. We met with a new doctor who rechecked my old scans. He said if he had seen the week old images when I was in last he wouldn’t have sent me home. My uterus was so distended and thin, he was worried he wouldn’t be able to relieve the pressure without puncturing or ripping something important. A second D&C in less than a week. My body and mind had been through it. Our baby was gone. Our wedding was a blur. We would have a 2 year old within a matter of days now. Thankfully we went on to have two “successful” yet stressful pregnancies. Our rainbow baby was born February 14th 2020, half way through a year long deployment. My husband didn’t meet his first child until she was 5 months old. Our pot of gold baby was born May 5th 2021, she spent 2 weeks in the NICU before she joined us at home. I have 2 babies in my arms, but 3 in my heart.
What Has Helped You Heal?
I really haven’t. Parenting after a loss is hard. If we didn’t experience our loss and that heartache we wouldn’t have our sweet February 2020 baby. Just doesn’t seem fair to have to feel like that.